AUSSIE TEEN WANKER MAKES VIDEO, FONDLES GUN, TALKS BOLLOCKS

by Ross Sharp

An Aussie teen wanker who ran away from home because he wasn’t getting his own way with stuff, has emerged appearing in a video fondling a gun and talking bollocks.

Like a badly caricatured villain from a “Die Hard” film, the Aussie teen wanker can be seen surrounded by a bunch of other wankers fondling his gun, and talking in medieval clichés about flags and weapons and killing a bunch of people who give him the shits.

It is understood the wanker has hooked up with a notorious Middle-Eastern rape gang comprised of illiterate wankers who also talk bollocks but mostly fuck around in the desert blowing things up, randomly raping kids and killing people just for shits ‘n’ giggles.

When asked his reaction to the video, Prime Minister Tony Abbott said, “Look, I don’t intend giving so much as a sideways glance to this little cunt, and neither should you, because if it’s attention he’s after, we’ve got some people working on that, and frankly, I couldn’t give a flying fuck if he got his cock shot off. If it were up to me, I’d shove a rocket up his fucking arse and blow him to the moon.”

Sources close to the family of the wanker have said they are shocked and disappointed by their little wanker’s actions and have really, really got the shits, and if his father ever gets a hold of him, he’ll beat the silly little fucker about his fucking head with a fucking mallet.”

Direct comment from the family is currently being sought.