TOP TEN HOT POP TONGUES

by Ross Sharp

I had intended to post this in response to a couple of people on the blogroll who have done similar just recently. However, having had a brief squizz at the JJJ “Hottest 100” of all time, it’s now more of a response to that. (Jeff Buckley with 4 songs and 2 in the top 10?? Fuck off).

No strict criteria were applied to these choices, other than (a) the songs had to span the better part of a century in the history of recorded music, (b) could be from any genre, and (c), I had to make the list in five minutes flat without getting up off the couch to reference any albums or artists.

And there was no conscience effort on my part to achieve a gender balance, it just achieved itself. Unlike the JJJ list, where women are, apparently, musically irrelevant to the majority of listeners.

Teh ladies should be makin’ teh babies and lookin’ after their mens, I suppose …

So, settle back, grab whatever takes your fancy substance-wise, and enjoy this Very Smelly Jukeblog …

“Stardust” Nat King Cole (1957)

Hoagy Carmichael’s perfectly constructed pop song from 1927. Perfect in that it has no chorus, doesn’t repeat any of the verses and thirty years later was given its finest treatment here by Nat “King” Cole …

 

“These Boots Are Made For Walking” Nancy Sinatra (1966)

The bassline, the bassline, the bassline, the bassline, the bassline, the bassline, the bassline, the bassline, doooooo …

“I’m In Love With A German Film Star” The Passions (1981)

One hit wonders from the early ‘80’s. Killer song, naff haircuts, and bad miming on “Top of The Pops” … There was a better clip around a while back referencing Marlene Dietrich, but it appears it’s been disappeared by the copyright cop squad …

“Anchorage” Michelle Shocked (1988)

Before Ani de Franco, there was Michelle Shocked with this sublime narrative from “Short Sharp Shocked”. As one “reviewer” on Amazon felt compelled to observe just recently, “It disgusts me that music this good comes out of the festering orifice of this carpetmunching, libtard.”

Which is just proof that carpetmunching libtards the world over will always be far, far better than the rubblemunching retards of the right when it comes to blowing fine tunes out their orifices, whether they fester or not. Take that, right-wing spacwads!! This is Shocked on David Letterman from 1993 …

 

“The Passenger” Iggy Pop (1977)

Rather than repost the Commander Putney clip which you can see in this post, here’s an equally fine version by Siouxsie & The Banshees

“Solace” Scott Joplin (1973)

Written in the early 1900’s, this is the version as heard in “The Sting” from 1973. I learned recently from a short documentary on the making of that film that director George Roy Hill never used music to underscore scenes where dialogue was being spoken. Which makes a lot of sense, do you think? If the dialogue can’t carry the scene without the addition of a score to highlight it, then it’s the dialogue needs reworking. Else, drop it altogether.

I wish more people would remember that.

Tony fucking Scott, for example, the stupid cock.

“(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction” The Residents (1976)

San Francisco’s most famously deranged poptards of the underground deconstruct a banal and vastly overrated rock anthem, resulting in what some critics were moved to describe as the “most determinedly repulsive song” ever recorded. There’s a relatively recent live clip of the eyeballed ones performing the tune over here, but it’s definitely not as good a sound as the original …

So, I’ve embedded this other masterpiece of inspired lunacy from their “Duck Stab/Buster & Glen” album of 1978, “Hello, Skinny” …

 

“Across The Universe” Laibach (1988)

Everyone’s favourite Yugoslavian faux-fascist-totalitarian art-project-aesthetes with a Beatles tune, transforming it into a go-forth-to-the-stars, conquer and disseminate your Aryan seed type of manifesto video thingy with fishes and a frog …

I love it when people do that.

“Pleasant Valley Sunday” The Monkees (1967)

 I was 8 years old when this came out …

 Enough said.

“I Feel Love” Donna Summer (1977)

I bet Brian Eno wished he’d thought of this. According to David Bowie, when Eno did hear it he called it “the sound of the future”, and predicted that it would “change the sound of club music” for years to come. I do think he was onto something.

Anyway, it beats the crap out of anything Lady bloody Gag-Gag or the Pussycrap Dildos could come up with, that’s for damn sure. My God, they’re horrible, aren’t they? How the fuck did they happen?

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