by Ross Sharp

We have an I.T. department that is not called an I.T. department, it is called something else.

We have an Accounts department that is not called an Accounts department, it is called something else too, and we have three groups who were once called “this group” or “that group”, until somebody decided that it would be better to call them “units” and then somebody decided to call them “divisions” and now they’re all back to being called “groups” again.

We once had a Managing Director but he left and we got somebody else, but they weren’t called a Managing Director anymore, they were called something else and it wasn’t “CEO” because that’s some bloke in the States. Then we got another Managing Director to replace the Managing Director who wasn’t called a Managing Director anymore and this new person was called something completely different again and that is because they reported into somebody different from the last one and they couldn’t be called a Managing Director if they reported to that person, they could only be called a Managing Director if they reported to this person instead, only this person wasn’t the least bit interested having that person reporting into them, they’d rather they pissed off out of it and reported to that other person and leave them the fuck alone to watch videos on YouTube and fart about on Facebook all afternoon.

As you do.

It’s a very complex organism, an office, and it takes a lot of fucking effort to make one work, especially when it comes down to that vital business of figuring out what to call a thing.

I hope you all appreciate that.

I know I fucking do.