ADVENTURES IN RICK PIXIELAND
by Ross Sharp
Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, a former US President, President Lyndon B. Johnson had a grand vision of a thing for the country over which he presided, and he called it “The Great Society” …
“The Great Society is a place where every child can find knowledge to enrich his mind and to enlarge his talents. It is a place where leisure is a welcome chance to build and reflect, not a feared cause of boredom and restlessness. It is a place where the city of man serves not only the needs of the body and the demands of commerce but the desire for beauty and the hunger for community.
It is a place where man can renew contact with nature. It is a place which honors creation for its own sake and for what it adds to the understanding of the race. It is a place where men are more concerned with the quality of their goals than the quantity of their goods.
But most of all, the Great Society is not a safe harbor, a resting place, a final objective, a finished work. It is a challenge constantly renewed, beckoning us toward a destiny where the meaning of our lives matches the marvelous products of our labor.”
… And so he set about doing all manner of frightening things to bring this vision of his to fat, juicy fruition, declaring “War on Poverty” for example …
… although only a few short years later, nobody paid much attention to the “War on Poverty” anymore as Milhouse declared “War on Drugs” instead, poor people be fucked, let ‘em sleep in their own shit, it’s the hippies and the pot, we’re sending those cunts to Vietnam and if they don’t want to go, we’ll just shoot the fuckers …
As you do.
Anyway, during his time as President, Johnson indulged himself in an awful frenzied flurry of legislative activity, signing into law the Civil Rights Act and the Wilderness Protection Act and creating Medicare and Medicaid and a whole bunch of other horrid things designed to help various people with various things, the whole varied variety of which you can read about over here and various other various places if you’re of a mind to.
But mostly, Johnson thought making people smart was a smart thing to do and I most definitely do concur, for stupid people scare the flaming shit out of me, especially when they’re put in charge of stuff.
So there was the Elementary and Secondary Education Act, the Higher Education Act, the Bilingual Education Act and programs to help people in poor areas get teachers and for disadvantaged children in various scummy circumstances beyond their control to get assistance and be taught this and be taught that about all manner of things and lo and behold and Lordy be, before you know it, the whole of the country be swarmin’ with smart people actin’ smart and doin’ smart stuff and sayin’ smart things.
At least, I think that may have been the plan.
And then, and then … came “Forrest Gump”.
A treacly ode to the warm-hearted joys of cretinism, chocolates and the simpler entertainments life has to offer, like smearing one’s poo on the sanatorium walls or peeing one’s name in the snow and magic shoes and such, there weren’t no smart about Forrest, no sirree …
And pretty soon, all across the United States of America, whole swathes of American people began cocking their ears and lending them to this endearingly simple-minded chewer of chocolates and runner of runs and they thought to themselves, “Fuck this smart shit an’ learnin’ an’ such, you don’t get no chocolates that way”, and they learnt to embrace and celebrate and elevate to grand positions of public office and influence some of the greatest practitioners and speakers of staggeringly stupid things that have ever been spat from the womb of woman to walk upon the face of this Earth.
Which brings us to Rick Perry.
Rick Perry has some problems with evolution, which I can well understand, for, if I were him, I’d be feeling a little shortchanged, but he also has a problem with education, maybe it’s just jealousy, but he’d like to get rid of it …
I can understand that, too.
It’s hard to compete with educamated people if you don’t has brain ‘cos if you don’t has brain, tongue don’t know whats to do.