LIKE A VIRUS

by Ross Sharp

Consider this …

“ … a couple dollars … “

Or this …

“ … a couple of dollars …”

You see, as we know a couple is two, in the first instance one is saying “two dollars”, and in the second instance one is saying “two of dollars”, therefore the “of” is redundant, yes?

Yes.

Of course, if one wanted to be really precise, one would actually have to say, “a two dollars”, but that would be retarded.

What about “footpath” vs. “sidewalk”?

I happen to prefer “sidewalk”. It’s more precise. It’s a “walk” on the “side”, whereas a “footpath” is a “path” one treads with one’s “foot”, so you could be talking about a trek through the fucking jungle for all anyone knows you say “footpath”, you say “sidewalk” people know what and whereof you’re speaking.

A “walk” on the “side”. Preferably paved for ease of passage.

I mean, you don’t find any fucking sidewalks in the fucking jungle, do you? Footpaths, yes. Paving, no.

I like the way Americans pronounce “aluminium” as “aluminum”.

It’s quick and efficient, whereas “aluminium” is all over the place, five syllables, it takes forever, four syllables, it’s streamlined, sleek, gets to the point.

I should use more full stops, less commas.

My last post had one sentence with 238 words in it.

I like commas.

Colons and semi-colons not so much, they’re a little too clinical and clever-clever, a bit try-hard, up to doing too many things at once, fucking show-offs, the both of.

Punctuation doesn’t have to multitask.

It should just do a thing, and move on.

As should we all.

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