DEAR EDITOR

by Ross Sharp

A couple letters I sent to the Sydney Morning Herald last week. First one (sent the day after the Budget) didn’t make it, but the second (sent the day after Abbott’s reply) did

I like it when that happens.

I understand our country is on the verge of complete collapse. It’s economy is ruined, business no longer functions, supermarket shelves are barren, and an increasing number of people, possibly millions, now spend their nights desperately searching skip bins for discarded hamburger wrappers hoping for a little leftover cheddar, or, God willing, a pickle. Not only that, but people are now in such desperate straits they have resorted to selling their first-borns for a Scotch-Finger biscuit and a scratch lottery ticket.

The price of electricity is such that vast numbers of our population will never know the simple joy of a lightbulb or a quick game of Grand Theft Auto on the Playstation. The nation is gripped by such destitution, tragedy and dysfunction that I understand tens of thousands of Australians are now planning to emigrate to more fortunate nations. Haiti, and Zimbabwe, for example, or Greece or France or Ireland or Iceland or even the United States, where one may earn a spectacularly rewarding living on a minimum wage of about $7.00 an hour as well as take advantage of their overly generous healthcare system and unemployment benefits. If it weren’t for the $2.00 a week for a year flood levy, the carbon tax, and the price of bananas, we’d probably be punching well above our weight by now. But no. How very sad it is to be an Australian just now, the most miserable, most deprived, most trouble and strife-stricken nation on the face of the planet.

Oh, woe. Oh, me. Oh, my. And so on.

And this is the one that got in …

A ”class war”? How precisely does this ”class war” manifest itself? Hordes of the unemployed and low-income workers storming the streets of Vaucluse armed with flaming torches and pitchforks, hurling petrol bombs through the dainty, stained-glass windows of random mansions? What utter nonsense.

I’ve also noticed that, since Obama made public his support on the issue of same-sex marriage, the usual arguments against are popping up in letters pages and comment threads …

Such as this one

“OK, Why not have polygamy? Or Why not marry brothers to brothers? Or sisters to sisters? How about Dad and daughters? A hot granny and her grandson?”

Hell, I live in fucking Queensland.

From the sight and sound of it up here some days, I think they already do.

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