by Ross Sharp

Have I missed anything recently?

Has anything happened?

Excuse the paucity in posts of late, but I have been paying little attention to matters of national import.

Are there any?

Are they dire?

I have come to understand the Federal Government has a Defence Minister and that his name is David Johnston.

It is a name I was most unfamiliar with, and I could not put a face to it, as I was quite unaware as to whether Mr. Johnston had ever made a statement addressing matters in his portfolio during his time in government. Maybe I wasn’t paying enough attention at the time, or maybe I thought that was Scott Morrison’s job. Scott Morrison often seems to think so.

Anyway, Mr. Johnston said something stupid recently, and found himself in the shit.

Prime Minister Tony Abbott leapt to Johnston’s defence, insisting he said nothing stupid, he’s not in the shit, and everything’s just so.

This is silly.

No one is listening to this shit anymore.

For the political tragics, for those whose job it is to write and comment on or analyse such matters, or those who make it their job, there are rich pickings to be had from the current crop of dunces in this government, although much of it, most of it defies any intelligent analysis, but all of it, the columns, the commentary, the criticism, pretty much all of it, amounts to the same thing, said over and over and over again.

This government is shit.

I don’t need thirty fucking columns by thirty different people inside the space of a week telling me what is, and always has been, plainly self-evident from the get-go to anybody willing to pay even the slightest bit of attention, and that is –

Tony Abbott is a lying cunt, and Tony Abbott has always been a lying cunt, and has spent pretty much his entire time in politics lying through his fucking teeth every time he opens his fucking mouth

And so it goes.

Communications Minister Malcolm Turnbull may be willing to make a tit of himself on national television twisting Abbott’s “no cuts to the ABC” comments every which way, but nobody, least of all himself, buys it.

Former Victorian Premier Dennis Napthine is told by a random stranger “the bullshit just keeps coming”, and so it does, they keep shoveling it on, we just learn to hold our noses, and walk on by.

No one is listening to this bullshit anymore.

“Spin, as an art, has totally jumped the shark. It’s so overdone, it’s dead. It’s self-parody. Low comedy. Kitsch. For years, as the country and political parties have grown more polarized, we’ve been moving the goal posts of spin-surdity. The farther Republicans and Democrats drifted apart, the more the spin-meisters followed and stretched their rhetoric beyond any recognizable reality. The more wacked-out the rhetoric got, the fewer people listened. Now we’ve gotten the point where even some spin-doctors think that there’s not much point any more. “I think everyone’s kind of caught on to it,” says James Carville, who, once upon a time, was to political spin what Picasso was to rearranged anatomy. “Everybody, the journalists, everybody sees through it.”” Politico, November 2014

When Foreign Minister Julie Bishop “chides” US President Barack Obama for his comments on climate change and its impact on the Great Barrier Reef, and insists “We have demonstrated world’s best practice … to ensure the Great Barrier Reef is preserved for generations to come”, nobody’s buying it because it’s bullshit and everybody knows it

“Professor Terry Hughes, who is the director of the Australian Research Council Centre of Excellence for Coral Reef Studies, says there’s an extraordinary disconnect between the government’s position and what scientists across the globe are saying.

Prof Hughes said he couldn’t explain why Ms Bishop’s views were so far removed from the science.

“I think you’ll have to ask her that,” he told AAP.

Government support for the development of the vast Carmichael coal mine in the Galilee basin is also inconsistent with reef protection, he said.

“(The mine) will have a Co2 footprint that’s three times larger than New Zealand’s if it goes ahead,” he said.”

Bishop, like all of Abbott’s timid others, speaks with, and only with, Her Masters Voice, and he speaks for His, and his Masters are a troupe of medieval fools, dumb cunts with money, and not an ounce of common sense between them.

No one is listening to this bullshit anymore.

There is simply too much of it.

Did Bishop and Co honestly think, during the Brisbane G20, that they would be able to insist, or even have the gall to suggest, the President of the United States refrain from any mention of climate change (among other topics) during his address to students, that he would simply acquiesce to such a thing? Nod his nappy head with a “Yowser, masser” and play along like a good little nigger, just so as not to upset the white folk in charge?

Fuck off, you stupid little bastards.

All this and so much more is way too much of nothing to be bothering with.

Which gives rise to a dilemma of sorts.

No matter which way you spin it, no matter how many words you may use, no matter what argument you may mount, and how carefully you may mount it, no matter the detail, the logic, it is simply not possible anymore to attach any substance, any significance to anything anyone in this government has to say about any fucking thing because all of it, from all of them, is fucking nonsense.

“True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country” – Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

I understand some have said that the government lacks “narrative” or has yet to find “narrative”, but the narrative, to my mind, seems perfectly clear –

“Frankly, you need a mighty lot of unfairness before most people notice. But this one had it all. Make young people wait six months for the dole? Sure. Cut the indexation of the age pension? Sure. Charge people $7 to visit the doctor, and more if they get tests, regardless of how poor they are? Sure.

Charge people up to $42.70 per prescription? Sure. Lumber uni students with hugely increased HECS debts that grow in real terms  even when they’re earning less than $50,000 a year? Sure.” – Ross Gittins, Sydney Morning Herald, November 30, 2014

They want to rape you, kill you, spurt on your corpse, make your skin a lampshade, expect a round of applause for their efforts at making all these tough decisions, and then, just when you think they’re done, they decide to skullfuck your dog and make your cat into a slipper.

What’s not to like?

After a year of achieving little else but pissing the potential votes of whole demographics of people up against the wall in pursuit of God-Only-Knows-What-The-Fuck, we can now say, with safety and certainty in our hearts, and our minds set firm, that anything said by Tony Abbott, Scott Morrison, Eric Abetz, Joe Hockey, Christopher Pyne, Greg Hunt, Peter Dutton, Julie Bishop, Malcolm Turnbull in the past, present, and the future, can all be dismissed as total bollocks.

No one is listening to this bullshit anymore, boys.

We may be inclined to forgive people for occasionally fucking it up, for screwing the pooch, but when they start beating the pup to death with a fucking mallet and rolling in the viscera, it’s time to look away. For something a little more edifying. For something a little more substantial.

“Twenty years ago, during a long, leisurely lunch conversation about the Liberals and their history, John Howard expressed the view that the party no longer attracted the sort of people it once had. He spoke frankly – at the time, his chances of a comeback looked close to zero – and I pressed him on the issue.

These people, he suggested, wanted something rather than wanting to offer something. It was a big difference.”  Norman Abjorensen, Inside Story, November 2014

There are hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of articles and comment and criticism available, of blogs and tweets and Facebook posts, of lengthy essays and features, profiles and analysis out there to be had about this current Abbott government, and all of them now seem to be saying the exact same thing.

This government is shit.

There is your headline for the next twenty-four months.

This government is shit.

And no one is listening anymore.

As for myself, I’m going to have to find some new things to scribble about next year, because these people are too stupid for time.