by Ross Sharp

Today, Saturday, July 2nd, 2016 your presence is requested, nay, demanded at your local school, church or community hall, so that you may cast your vote to decide which Claw of Shitgibbons or Clutch of Thundercunts shall be “governing” this country for the next three years.

The winner, regardless of brand-name, shall be FEAR, the go-to squeeze-toy whoopee-cushion weapon of choice in Australian politics ever since John Howard told us of dark, foreign ghastlies throwing their children off boats, and Tim Fischer spun scary stories of blacks in the night claiming our backyards as sacred sites for ancient rituals and corroborees, the oppression/destruction of all manner of whitefella shit, barbecues and pool parties mostly.

Amongst the “winners”, but in a strictly Charlie Sheen sense, will be a minor straggling gaggle of so-called “True Blue” wrinkly dinkum Aussie cunts desperate to “reclaim” for themselves an Australia that never existed, and who have a tendency to squirt their pants, knock their knees, and suffer from strange ataxic paroxysms upon sighting any woman up the shops or down mill wearing a scarf. They may claim a Senate seat, make some ugly noises when and if they do, but once that’s all over and done with, they’ll be forgotten quicker than you can say Steve Fielding.

Another winner, unfortunately, and by virtue of nothing but the Donkey Vote, may be The Health Australia Party, which has nought to do with “health” and everything to do with providing a meeting place for whacked-out, crackpot conspiracy theorists who would like the right to refuse their children and yours vaccinations against diseases which may kill or disfigure them, want to remove fluoride from drinking water, and other crystal-rubbing, “djembe-banging in the forest” shit too tedious to type out here.

On a far more positive note, The Greens will do well, simply because the more the major parties and Murdoch’s media maggots rail against them, the more votes they attract, especially from men and women over the age of 18 and under 30 who, far more well-informed and media-savvy than political careerists and commentators give them credit for, prefer evidence-based facts to ideologically driven fictions.

This is the demographic oft forgot by the shitgibbons and thundercunts of mainstream political fuckwittery, the demographic who can’t be push-polled by pollsters because they don’t have landlines to answer. It’s the demographic who may very well be fed up to the fucking back teeth being bleated at by irrelevant numpties like Peta Credlin, told to work for four bucks an hour by Michaelia Cash and little inclined to cast their vote in accordance with the exhortations of print media editorials and commentary, if inclined to consume this form of media at all.

“Piss off Rupert, doddery old fuckmuppet, fuck off”, one might expect them to say, and justifiably so.

Young people do not vote Liberal and will not do so, unless of course they rich, privileged cunts, or are members of the Young Liberals, in which case their calendar of “things to do” would be full to brimming with items such as “Send dick pick to Sarah Hanson-Young”, “Call a gay candidate a faggot”, “Call a black candidate a nigger”, “Get a girl blind drunk and rape her in a toilet”, and then “Don’t forget to vote”.

Young Liberals invariably become Old Liberals, then sometimes they’re elected, and then they go well out of their way to prove how much better off we’d all be if their mothers had scraped, bagged and flushed them into the fucking toilet the moment they were conceived. For example, Liberal Party Senator Zed Seselja whose scummy activities (which he has apologised for, on behalf of his “volunteers”) have only just been bought to public attention by the Greens candidate for the ACT, Christina Hobbs

“Last night I was tweeted at by a young woman who was walking home past Senator Seselja’s office when she spotted his campaign mini van parked out the front with disturbing images of me and the Greens’ candidate for Fenner taped to the front dashboard with vile and sexist comments.

The comment attached to my image included the phrase that “I want a railing”, the word ‘railing’ being a term for violent sex, often associated with rape.

There is no way that the Senator can deny seeing these images, this is his campaign bus, parked outside his campaign office. Many of us have seen him getting in and out of this van over the past week and whether he was in the front seat or the back seat, these pictures stuck to the dashboard would have been hard to miss.

Throughout this campaign both me and my campaign team have put up with aggressive behaviour by a group of young men dressed in ‘Team Zed’ jackets being bused around who I understand are largely from interstate.

At a prepolling booth in Tuggeranong, two young women from another political party told me they felt ‘intimidated’ by around ten of these young men. I identified at least one of them as being a man who had heckled me about being pro-abortion at a community forum only a week earlier.”

Perhaps Zed will win. Perhaps he will lose. Either way, let us hope he gets hit by a fucking bus on his way to or from the polling booth tomorrow.

Other losers?

Barnaby Joyce. Please.

Malcolm Turnbull.


Labor. Minority government.

The Greens. The Arts Party. Nick XenophonThe Australian Sex Party. Tony Windsor.

Release your hounds.