THE LITTLE MAN WEARS LONG PANTS NOW

by Ross Sharp

“For Christ’s sake, Tony, you can’t just declare a “new rule” whenever you damn well feel like it, that’s not how the game gets played!”

“It’s a good rule! It’s a good rule, it’s my rule, and I want it in! The rule is in the game!” 

“It’s not a rule! It’s never been a rule! It’s not a rule now! You can’t just make this shit up when it suits!”

“It’s my game!”

“It’s not your game!”

“It’s my game!”

“It’s not your game! I won the last game!”

“Did not!”

“Did too!”

“Not. Cheated.”

“Oh, for …”

“DID SO!”

“…”

“…”

“… Oi. Tony? … Do ya? … D’ya wanna Mintie?”

“…”

“ A Mintie … Eh?”

“You’ve got a whole packet.”

“What?”

“You’ve got a whole packet, you just gonna give me one? Y’oughta give me half. Or thirds.”

‘WHY THE FUCK WOULD I GIVE YA HALF YA STUPID CUNT ME MUM BOUGHT ME VESE YA FINK I’M GONNA GIVE YA HALF ‘A EVERYFING ME FUCKEN MUM GIVES ME?!! IT’S MY FUCKEN PACKET!!!”

“Oughta be mine.”

“… I’ve got a Fantale. And six Fruit Tingles.”

“What flavour?”

“Musk.”

“I’m not eating those. They smell like my nanna.”

“I’ll give ya four Minties, and we either start the game, else I’m leaving.”

“What game we playin?”

“What game you want, Tony?”

“Cowboys and Indians?”

“You wanna be the Cowboys or the Indians?”

“Who wins?”

“I DON’T KNOW! WE DON’T KNOW ‘TIL IT’S FINISHED, WE HAVEN’T BLOODY STARTED YET! … Cowboys or Indians?”

“I’m not choosing ‘til I know who wins.”

“Who do you think wins, Tony?”

“I do.”

“Are you the Cowboys or the Indians?”

“Who wins?”

“…!!”

“…”

‘MRS. ABBOTT!! TONY’S BEING A CUNT AGAIN!!!”